Reconnect-Restore-Begin Again

This week has been a little harder for me. It’s interesting to learn what can have an effect on you, sometimes in ways you don't expect.

There was a big internet outage in the Texas area with AT&T. They were working to get everything back online, but I ended up being without internet for three days. Becca, who lives around the corner, and my neighbors had their internet restored pretty quickly, but not me.

I did everything I knew to do. I restarted things. I checked the app. I called AT&T. Each time, I was told they were stil working on the outage. I talked to people and tried everything I was told to try, but nothing worked.

I felt so out of sorts without that connection. I'm not sure what that says about me, but it was paralyzing in ways I didn't expect.

I use my computer for so many things. Researching, learning, working on projects, connecting with people, and doing things that I feel are good and worthwhile. Suddenly, so much of that was unavailable to me.

I finally found a virtual chat connection with AT&T. We went through all the fixes I had already been doing. The chat box would say, “That didn't work. Let's try something else.” Then we would move on to something else, with the same outcome.

After several attempts, the chat box said they were going to do a reset. I had already done resets from my side, but this was different. I didn't have control over this reset. It had to happen on their end. And finally, it worked.

What struck me afterward was that I had been told for three days that the problem was the “outage.” I had accepted that explanation because I assumed they knew what was happening. Everyone around me had their internet working. The problem wasn't what I had been told it was.

What I needed was a reset that I couldn't do myself.

As I thought about that, I began to see a spiritual lesson.

How often do I feel disconnected from God and assume something must be wrong with the connection? I may pray. I may read my scriptures. I may listen to something uplifting. I may try harder to do the things I know I should be doing.

And yet sometimes I still don't feel the connection I want. I start wondering, What am I doing wrong? Why can't I seem to get this working? But what if the answer isn't always something I can fix on my end? There are things I can do. I can pray. I can study. I can repent. I can try to listen. I can make changes.

But there may also be times when I simply need to turn to God and say, “I have tried everything I know to try. I don't know what is wrong. I need You.”

That is a humbling thought for someone who likes to figure things out and fix things.

The internet company had the ability to do something I couldn't do from my side. When they finally did it, the connection was restored.

Maybe God sometimes does something similar for us.

Maybe there are things within us that we cannot see clearly. Maybe there are things we cannot fix through our own efforts. Maybe sometimes we need to stop trying to solve everything ourselves and allow God to work in us in ways we cannot accomplish on our own.

I also learned that Just because I couldn't feel the connection didn't mean the connection wasn't there. That may be the part I need to remember most.

God had not disappeared because I couldn't connect. He wasn't suddenly unavailable because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. The problem was preventing me from experiencing something that was still there.

When my internet finally came back, I felt like a weight had been lifted. Suddenly I had access again to information, my files, people, resources, and so many things I use to learn and do good. It made me think about our connection with God.

When that connection feels strong, we have access to something far more important. We can receive direction. We can learn. We can be strengthened. We can find peace. We can feel prompted to help someone else. We can accomplish things that we might not have been able to do on our own.

So maybe my three days without internet were more than an inconvenience. Maybe they were a little reminder. Sometimes I may spend so much time trying to figure out what is wrong with my connection to God that I forget the most important thing.

He is still there.

And when I can't fix the connection from my end, I can turn to the One who can. Maybe sometimes the prayer isn't, “Heavenly Father, help me fix this.”

Maybe it is simply, “Heavenly Father, I don't know what is wrong. I have tried everything I know to try. Please help me. I need You to do what I cannot do for myself.”

I keep this scripture before me at all times.  Proverbs 3:5–6:“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

I had been leaning on what I was being told and on my own understanding of what was happening. I kept trying to fix the problem from my side because that was all I knew to do. But I didn't have the whole picture. BAM...there it was....

That is true in my life with God more often than I realize. I don't always understand what is happening. I don't always know what needs to be fixed. And I certainly don't have the ability to see everything God can see.

But I can trust Him. I can acknowledge Him. I can stop leaning so heavily on my own understanding and allow Him to direct my path.  I don't need to understand the whole problem before I turn to Him. I simply need to trust the One who does.

When I can't restore the connection myself, I can trust God with the reset.